Everything Explained through Flowcharts Is a Hilarious Guide to Making Choices
The beauty of flowcharts is that they preview the repercussions of various choices before you choose. Wouldn’t it be great if girls could get flowcharts explaining where their lives are headed after dating either Malcolm or “The Situation”? A flowchart that illustrates exactly where that jelly donut will end up (probably on the thighs) as opposed to that glass of water (back to nature) could be a lot more helpful than a dozen diet books--to the dieters, anyway, not to the dozen authors.
Doogie Horner comes to the rescue of reluctant decision-makers with Everything Explained through Flowcharts. What do you get from Everything Explained through Flowcharts? “All of life’s mysteries unraveled, including tips for world domination, which religion offers the best afterlife, alien pickup lines, and the secret recipe for Gettin’ Laid Lemonade.”
Starting with the afterlife (why not?), Horner charts out what happens, based on whether you’ve been good or bad, according to different religions. If your own departure is not exciting enough to contemplate, you might find “Doomsday Scenarios” to be more stimulating. Branching off of three base causes: unnatural, natural, and supernatural, and following the chart, one learns the consequences of each. For example, a natural doomsday might be brought about by biological factors, such as animals revolting (dolphins may grow thumbs, or apes may evolve); these events flow through to the possible results--none of which, as you might guess, are good.
“How to Win an Argument” proves to be more practical, although just as nonsensical. Among other suggestions, it shares some backhanded techniques for making an opponent look bad.
In addition to flowcharts, Everything Explained through Flowcharts includes a variety of other chart types, helpful lists (such as the six known causes of a zombie infestation, billionaire pet peeves), and good, old-fashioned text.
Put Everything Explained through Flowcharts on your holiday gift-giving list (and your letter to Santa) for all the people you know who are struggling with decisions about the American dream, alien sex, and determining if they are the evil twins.
Bottom Line: Would I buy Everything Explained through Flowcharts? I could explain this with a PowerPoint presentation, but it just wouldn’t be funny enough--yes! Available October 26.
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