Killer Christmas Movies
The market for Christmas movies has become so glutted with overly saccharine, obnoxious and over-the-top cuteness, celebrity marketing crap in the guise of Christmas Music Specials, concerts and, the worst, made-for-TV holiday movies that just suck, and feature singers who can't act their way out of a paper bag. I have to admit that it's become hard for me to even watch holiday TV programming anymore.
The season hasn't really even started yet, but if you're like me, you've probably already had your fill. You're probably dying right now for a little killing. Maybe some seriously off-color Christmas humor, foul language, ass-kicking action and definitely, above all else, the one thing that is sadly and inexplicably lacking in holiday fare: blood-letting. I miss the days of Lethal Weapon and Die Hard, the days when Christmas music really meant something in a movie — it meant someone was going to die!
Action, gore, foul mouths, stupid humor and a serial-killing Santa or two wouldn't hurt either. With that in mind, I sat down to compile a list of Christmas movies that contain at least one, if not all, of these admirable qualities.
This is my list of "killer Christmas movies for people who hate Christmas movies." Hopefully they'll whet your appetite for destruction, bloodcurdling screams and just maybe inspire you to pull the plug on the watered-down, "family friendly" trash ruining the holidays. Feel free to let me know if I've missed any gems in the comments.
1) The Ref - Released in 1994 by Touchstone Pictures.
This Ted Demme directed beauty is absolutely a must-have for the holidays. Featuring a brilliant, and decidedly foul-mouthed, Denis Leary as Gus, a cat piss-drenched thief who, finding himself trapped in a strange town by a police manhunt, decides to hide out by taking a family hostage. Little does he know that the nice, normal couple (Kevin Spacey, Judy Davis) he has chosen to hide amongst is far from normal; their bickering turns what should have been a simple kidnapping into a suburban nightmare.
The movie turns into a hilarious roller coaster ride as neighbors, police and more family members arrive for Christmas dinner and the dysfunction grows to the point that you start hoping Denis will pop one off. Veteran British actress Glynis Johns (Mary Poppins) is particularly brilliant as the iron maiden of family matriarchs from hell. This is a film that will leave you rooting for the bad guy and possibly considering a holiday in Vegas, rather than a Christmas Eve with the in-laws.Continued on the next page