Pointy-Toothed Ancient Sex Pests (aka Vampires)
Now I usually visit the loo at least once a day, sometimes twice depending on my meal intake, and when I do, I do what anyone else would, given the circumstances; I read. Usually with any good British household, there’s no shortage of reading material in the lavatory. From discarded magazines to spine-broken novels, the bathroom floor tiles of Château Le Mac are where paperbacks go to die. One such item has taken residence within my modest bathroom for quite some time now.
Living in harmony amongst this month’s Sky Magazines, this particular book has been a constant source of confusion for my already challenged mind. Every time I find myself sitting atop the throne, I pick up this humble slab of literature and begin to read. I flick carelessly through, skimming random pages and commencing perusal of the content. Here, I’m presented with my dilemma; for the subject matter within this novel is so lucid and thin, I never know whether to continue reading, or use it as a substitute for my toilet roll. The item in question: Vampire Diaries: The Return ~ Shadow Souls.
Don’t be fooled by the culturally significant and elongated title. This book is not for you. This book is for young, teenage girls. At least that’s the opinion I generate upon scanning the content. However, this genre is rapidly expanding its target audience. Vampires are back in a big way, and they’re casting their nets far and wide, snagging everyone from little girls to middle-aged women, even hopelessly metrosexual men find themselves ensnared within the bloodthirsty fabric of this incomprehensibly popular genre. Then, once your senses have been numbed, like the merciless vampires of old, the vacuous coven of nothing within rapes your body and mind, hypnotizes you until you submit and come to the stark realization that you must own everything this genre has ever output. And alas, you are aboard the bandwagon.Continued on the next page