Royal Fever? More Like Royal Rhinovirus
Fever – noun
An abnormally high body temperature, usually accompanied by shivering, headache and in severe instances, delirium.
I've had a fever before. Writhing around in bed, sweating disdain from every pore. Kicking off the covers only to haul them back over your sorry carcass seconds later. Moaning and groaning under the immense weight of your own self-loathing. It's not particularly pleasant. But alas we insist on attributing it to our national events. Surely there are alternative words with altogeher less negative connotations.
Nevertheless, Royal Fever has gripped the nation. But which nation?
The most watched television event of all time? Hold on, you just used past tense to refer to the future. I can feel time and space shredding at my feet.
Judging from this footage it seems as if America is in the midst of a Royal pandemic. But there are contrasting reports. Despite the perpetual news coverage and hysterical hyperbolic promos, polls in the New York Times suggest that Americans themselves don't really care. Here in Britain, I think we're in the same situation.
Advertisements for Royal Wedding coverage are relentless, with every channel vying for your views. The media seems to be trying to stir interest that doesn't really exist. At least, not in the volume they hope.
In Britain we're simply not very susceptible to epidemics of enthusiasm. What the world's media calls Royal Fever is actually closer to the Royal Sniffles. If you think you have a fever, you're a hypochondriac. It's probably the Royal Rhinovirus. A twitchy throat and a blocked nose.
Rest easy readers, I'm happy to announce that I do not have a fever. However I do have a cold. Perhaps it's as a direct result of Wills and Kate. I can't say. Royal Wedding coverage has been crawling all over my television for so long now, it'd be a miracle if I didn't contract some sort of mild infection.
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