Brett Favre and The Tiger Rule
Will these guys never learn? Did Tiger Woods teach us nothing at all? If the voice on the voicemail, which sounds A LOT like Brett Favre, is anything other than a very accomplished impression, apparently not.
The story is that Brett Favre took such a liking to NY Jets' cheerleader Jenn Sterger that he left her a series of FaceBook messages, followed by voicemails, and topped off with a cell phone picture of his favorite appendage, held in the hand that's launched roughly 500 NFL touchdown passes. I'm no expert on such things, but if you ask me, the hand is way more impressive than what it's holding.
There are so many WTF aspects to this story, one hardly knows where to begin. In the first place, there's the immutable Tiger Rule: If you leave it on voicemail, email, text, film, tape, CD, DVD, or Polaroid IT WILL COME BACK TO BITE YOU IN THE ASS.
Second is the incredible lameness of the whole scenario. Just listen to Brett's two voicemail messages. If this is the best effort we men can put forth to get laid, it's amazing the species has survived even this long. Aside from that, if you're going to voice these kinds of weak platitudes at all, for God's sake, don't leave a recording. It's embarassing.
Third, you'd think if a woman was going to respond to such an offer, she wouldn't need much more information than, "Hi, this is Brett Favre. Call me."
Finally, and I can't emphasize this enough: A woman who looks like this, unless she's been sequestered in an Amish compound since puberty, has seen all kinds of penises, big ones, small ones, and mostly average ones, and she's seen them attached to thin guys, fat guys, buff guys, and guys with charming Australian accents. If she's going to be impressed at all, it's not going to be with your astonishing endowment. She's going to be impressed that it's attached to one of the greatest quarterbacks in history.
These guys just never learn. They could call me. I'm here to help.
Follow Technorati