Alien 2 on Earth…or Alien Abduction?
It’s not surprising that anyone would be excited to enjoy the absolute privilege of viewing Alien 2 on Earth, a 1980 gem that was never released in the United States (“…only a handful of countries saw a cropped and edited VHS release nearly thirty years ago. That is until now.” Now being March 22, 2011). An Italian-made film set in California, Alien 2 on Earth--“the definitive version, transferred from the original 35mm negative, which runs longer than any other version seen throughout the world”—has been released by Midnight Legacy for the first time ever in widescreen format (available on DVD and Blu-ray).
I trembled with joyful anticipation when I slipped Alien 2 on Earth into my DVD drive and sank back into the couch. But then…I lost 84.25 minutes. It’s true; when I looked at my watch, it was nearly an hour and a half later, yet I remember nothing. What happened to those precious minutes?, I ask as I check the back of my neck for an implant.
Some movies are so bad that they can be enjoyed by a lone, sober viewer or a group of raucous drunks throwing popcorn at the screen. Others are so bad they can only be enjoyed by a group of raucous drunks throwing popcorn at the screen--Alien 2 on Earth is in that group. Actually, it’s a lot like a football game (or a day in court), a few seconds of action followed by endless milling about the field (or courtroom) while it seems that no one is doing anything.
To understand what it’s about, we must turn to the box blurb: “A group of cave explorers are confronted in an underground cavern by a mysterious living rock. Little do they know that it bears home to deadly, flesh-eating creatures, intent on wiping out the entire human population. Can they survive and ultimately prevent Earth’s total annihilation?”
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