Want Elvis Back? Don’t Vote for Obama
Legendary 76-year-old rock 'n roller Elvis Presley is alive and well, and he’s ready to make his comeback. According to a new documentary, Elvis Found Alive (directed and produced by Joel Gilbert, also responsible for Paul McCartney Really Is Dead), not only is Elvis alive, he’s waiting for Barack Obama to leave office before he shows his face in public and picks up his music career where he left off. You see, Barack Obama, Captain Nazi, and their minions would like to shut Elvis down--permanently.
But wait! There’s more! According to the very same documentary, Elvis and Captain Marvel Jr. have led amazingly parallel lives--right down to faking their own deaths for the sake of their (mutual) country. Because Elvis is still in danger (don’t forget, he was placed in Kalamazoo by the Witness Protection Program because of his daring work as a DEA agent--and that’s not Dead Entertainers Association), he chose to appear before cameras in silhouette.
Although viewers cannot give a good description of senior citizen Elvis, they will note that he has slimmed down considerably and he has a very young voice. Fans may be dying to know what Elvis’ plans for the future are, where he lives, and how he’s been living, but they will have to be satisfied with a two-hour recounting of Elvis’ past glory, specifically as a federal agent and as a member of a variety of police departments throughout the United States.
“Elvis” tells of his days battling the Weathermen underground movement, the mafia, and drug lords. He reveals who killed JFK and divulges an interest in UFOs. Throughout the interview, “Elvis” brings up his wonderful, loving, hard-drinking, pill-taking mama so obsessively that we begin to wonder where Captain Marvel Jr.’s influence ends and Oedipus’ begins.
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