Death by Pants Off Dance Off
Imagine if television broadcast nothing but top quality shows. Explosive action, emotive drama, cutting comedy. Hour after hour after hour. Nothing but the best. Just take a second to process that thought. Your only trouble would be finding the time to watch everything, because everything is must-see TV. There is literally nothing that doesn't appeal to you. TV Heaven on Earth.
There's one problem with this. What would the stupid watch? They need something. We can't just lock them away and leave their genes to wither and die, because apparently 'that's wrong.' And that's why, for every House, for every Mad Men, for every The Wire, there is unfortunately; a Pants Off Dance Off.
Essentially the show is nothing but 'ordinary' members of the public, dancing and removing their clothes. The backdrop to this miserable expression of individuality is a music video. These spectacularly simple citizens, known as 'Pancers,' thrash around like epileptic fish in a desert, struggling to rid themselves of their fabric chastity suits.
In case you find the concept of a simple striptease stale, the producers issue each 'Pancer' with a mystery object. The object is to help add another flavor to the striptease. I got hints of a particularly potent flavor of disdain for all of Earth's inhabitants as I watched Insufferable Whore #6 dance around a chair and Generic Slapper #3 prance around in a pink wig.
Dancing is interspersed with vox pops of the 'Pancers' discussing aspects of their lives. Their favorite song, favorite underwear combination, favorite method of braincell obliteration. I couldn't really hear because the show had somehow warped my whole reality until all I could hear was an intense, high-frequency hiss.
Despite this venomous nonsense being twisted and presented as colorful fun, it's not the exploitation of the world's waste matter that disturbed me most. What disturbed me most was the narration. It is possibly the least funny thing in the history of history. More humor could be derived from a global takeover by a giant Megazord comprising of Dr. Josef Mengele, Josef Fritzl, Joseph Stalin, Osama Bin Laden and Mojo Jojo who brutally, raped, tortured and finally murdered everyone that's ever lived, than this. Then again, being raped by Mojo Jojo is funnier than most things.
The US version previously involved audience participation. The audience could text and vote for their winner. For the third series, this was discontinued in favor of a judging panel, who chose a weekly winner.
Continued on the next page
Follow Technorati