911 Will Not Break You Out Of Jail
PerpPlexity is a periodical celebration of criminals who have yet to reach the mastermind status — we'll settle for asking them to simply think the next time.
I almost feel bad about sharing this one. The operative word being "almost."
Carly Houston was having a night on the town in Naperville, Illinois, and for some reason her plans involved taking a taxi to a gas station. (I won't ask.) But when she had to pay the cabbie $6.60 for the fare, she was having none of it. After the police intervened, she continued to strongly disagree about paying the guy, at which point the police disagreed about her being not arrested. So off too the jail she went.
Trapped inside the dirty, grimy cell (and with fewer beef jerky selections), she tried the only way she know how to escape: call 911. Hey, they always send help! Here's a portion of the very brief call to the emergency hotline:
Carly: "I'm trapped in, like, the Naper hotline 911."
Dispatcher: "You're trapped where?"
Carly: "In the Naperville 911, so ..."
Man, that's fantastic. I think 911 actually hung up on a caller. Is that a first?
She almost got away with it too. Except it would've worked had she been trapped inside, instead of a police jail cell, some creep's basement, for example. Houston was charged with criminal trespass, theft of services, and making a false 911 report. Then there's that mugshot. That has to be, like, another six months probation.