Buddies In The Bedroom, Fantasy Football, Guys Named Nick
Madame Floretta “Fern” De Villiers, a.k.a. “Amanda Fox”, is an author of erotic fiction and commentary. The following is a sneak peek at her advice column for this week.
Friday, April 29th, 2011.
Dear Fern,
My boyfriend and I have been together for six years. When I met him in college, I knew he’d be someone special in my life. Now that we have been out in the working world for a while and saved up some money, we are planning on getting married. Here’s the problem. I feel like we are more roommates than lovers. For the first year or so of our relationship, we couldn’t get enough of each other. Now, it seems that we’d both rather be knitting socks the color of Easter eggs than having sex. Do you think there is anything wrong with this? Personally, I like to think that Ben and I have moved past all that primal humping stuff to where we now we have the best friendship ever.
Sincerely,
Subdued In Saarbruecken
Dear Subdued,
Do you know what would happen if a beaver got locked in a cage with only a blanket and a bag of Junior Mints? Its teeth would grow around its head (no thanks to the mints); they’d poke into its brain and it would die. Moral: Beavers need to gnaw on wood in order to survive.
Do you know what would happen if you put Sarah Richardson (from Sarah 101) in a room where the drapes clashed with the furniture clashed with the throw pillows clashed with the wall treatments? She would slowly go insane, pulling hair-by-hair out of her head until she looked like Mike Holmes and/or Bryan Bauemler. Moral: Sarah Richardson needs things to match. Her mental wellbeing depends on it.
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