Clarity vs. Righteousness: Emergence for a Narcissistic Ego
Recently when I was working with a very special patient, I became engaged in the
conflict that he was describing. At first, I had to let him ramble for a time because I was just not understanding how he was attempting to work out the conflict because as much as I listened, I could not hear either side of the argument. It was as if he were in conflict but the conflict appeared to have no content.
I am use to listening for the induced feeling because I so frequently understand what the patient is saying because it has touched a nerve in my psyche. After all, I am a Freudian Analyst so I should not be surprised that transference and countertransference feelings were going to be a route in to the understanding. Nonetheless, this remained a puzzle to me and so I continued to listen and continued to wait for the clues to be unearthed.
Finally, I asked the patient if he was aware that he had been describing a very intense conflict but that he had yet to provide me with any content and I was just not understanding him. He said to me, from the couch, "why does my conflict have to have content--can't I simply be in conflict inside my mind without there being a thing that I am bothered by?' Yes, I agreed.
So he continued to wander aimlessly through passages and winding corridors of his mind and still produced no material. For example, he spoke at length about a man at his office who was very calm. After a while he spoke about a woman in his family who led a very chaotic life. They did not appear to be connected. But then he said..."I can't help but wonder what it would be like if I did not have to be right." I wonder if my needing to be right gives me the feeling that i can not possibly win the argument. If I need to be right then I am only left with my damn ego in charge. What I would like is be be calm like the man at work.
"What do you like about his calmness, I asked him?" "Well," he said, "he is never angry and when ever anyone asks him to do something he just does it--then when someone else complains that he did not finish the other job he had started for the other person, he simply smiles and says, "yes, i know I was aware that it was going to be difficult to finish both tasks and i kept hoping i had chosen the right one to finish."
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