Guys, At the End of the Day It's Still a Minivan
Have you noticed lately how much effort minivan manufacturers are ratcheting up the machismo with their marketing efforts? Toyota started it all with their "Swagger Wagon" campaign and then quickly Nissan debuted this piece that I call "Farewell to Your Balls", only to be topped by Honda with their "So Cool it's Metal" ad. When did the emasculation of men enter the "let's trick them into believing this crap" phase?
I don't care what you say and how you want to justify it, minivans suck. They're like the shitty in-laws of motor vehicles. They have no soul and serve as a bells and whistles showcase. They're also horrible to drive and make the Ford Country Squire look like a smoking hot sports car.
Now we have these ads trying to tell you that, in a Will Hunting being embraced by his shrink kind of way, it's OK. It's OK. It's OK. Here's what's not OK. Showing a man that the amp he no longer uses in the band he's no longer in, because he has kids and a gallon of milk to buy, fits into the hatch. Oh and Dad, that DVD player will never be seen by you, because you're driving (you ARE a man after all) and need to focus on modern entertainment, like a GPS, which your wife insisted on getting, because you're a man and refuse to ask for directions. Much to your shock the only "hip-hop" coming from your sound system will be the Black Eyed Peas. I know. I know. Gangsta...straight up in a Nalgene bottle.
I don't want to hear the "but the kids can easily get in and out of it" excuse either. Do your kids have perfectly functioning appendages? Yes? Great, make them climb in. Do your kids shout "Go faster Daddy" or "Can you take that corner hard" from the backseat? Sadly, if they do your answer has to be "I'm sorry, but the car just can't do that". Never mind college, start saving for therapy because you'll be able to pinpoint the daddy issues right back to the day you were handed the keys to your shiny, brown, Sienna.Continued on the next page