Montana Teen Arrested For Hilarious Break In
PerpPlexity is a periodical celebration of criminals who have yet to reach the mastermind status — we'll settle for asking them to simply think the next time.
I don't even know where to begin on this one, to be honest. But it definitely has all the elements, and we'd be remiss if we didn't keep score.
19-year-old Stephan Crane broke into the Ravalli Republic newspaper building in Hamilton, Montana — a place that certainly enjoys sharing to their county about recent happenings. (Hilarity Point No. 1) He then went to two different computers and started watching porn. (Hilarity Point No. 2 — and now we know the newspaper's IT department doesn't block any websites.)
After getting bored, he logged into his Facebook and MySpace accounts. (We're going to be generous and call these Points Nos. 3 and 4.) Once he realized his friends were all obeying the law, he grabbed a fire extinguisher off the wall and sprayed it around. (Hilarity Point No. 5) Then he found some M&Ms and a two-gallon container of trail mix in one of the employee's desks and helped himself to some handfuls. (Hilarity Point No. 6, because no dedicated desker is too far from snack food)
And finally, he threw the bags out the window from whence he came, which made a tasty, low-carb path right to his hiding spot: his sister's apartment, which was next door. (Hilarity Point No. 7)
Now multiply that total by one-and-a-half because, yes, alcohol was involved.
He was charged with felony burglary, criminal mischief, minor in possession, and theft. He remains in jail on $40,000 bond. And all because he was curious about "what was inside the newspaper office." Curiosity killed the cat burglar.
The points do keep adding up, especially in the meta-circular quality of this story. A guy breaks into a newspaper, the police catch him, and then the newspaper reports on what the guy confessed to the police. The only remaining question left is: what will replace the trail mix? Strong 4:3 odds put it at a tub of popcorn, with 7:1 favoring Goldfish crackers.