New Female Aphrodisiac: If There Wasn't A Problem, They Wouldn't Need A Cure...Right?
So here's the deal: a company called "Zestra" has come out with a line of topical oils guaranteed to enhance female sexual arousal.
The magic potion reportedly works by increasing blood flow down there. Parenthetically, the same result can be achieved with a heating pad, a couple of vigorous slaps, or a generous dollop of Ben-Gay, but I don't think you're going to hear Dr. Ruth recommending any of those solutions in the near future.
I don't know about you, but I can't tell you how often I hear women bemoaning how they just aren't horny enough and how they wish there was something that would get their trolley back on the rails, so to speak.Yeah, right.
It's us porn-addled man-pigs who have some kind of misplaced notion that the fondest wish of half the women on the planet is to have all of their available orifices simultaneously occupied while racking up orgasms like a manic pinball machine. We dream that they're all secretly hoping that we get that four hour priapic hard-on so we can bang away at them until they feel like Sugar Ray Leonard's speed-bag.
The reality, I'm afraid, is a little more prosaic. I remember when my wife and I first saw the empty nest looming. We always figured that one of the upsides would be that we could have sex whenever we wanted, without any concerns over the whereabouts of our three sons.
Anytime, anywhere, any which way. Umm...not so much. There are just so many hours in a day, and there are reality shows that have to be watched and online games that have to be completed. While the younger part of our brains wants to stay in bed the whole weekend, the older wiser part says, "Better to get it done really well once (or maybe twice) and then break out the chips and dip."
Same thing with those TV commercials showing guys my age and hawking once-a-day Cialis...so you can be ready whenever the romantic urge strikes. Who the hell are these guys, and who are they married to? The only guys I know who have any inclination whatsoever to do it every day are single, studying for midterms, and couldn't name all four Beatles if you offered them their own Lear Jet. And they have about as much need for Cialis as I have for gray hair dye.
Ladies, want to supercharge your vuvuzelas? Go for it. Whatever floats your boat, or the little man in the boat, or whatever. I'd love to know how it works out...just as soon as I finish these chips.