The World's First Tobaccaloupe
PerpPlexity is a periodical celebration of criminals who have yet to reach the mastermind status — we'll settle for asking them to simply think the next time.
Today's criminals: let's call them "Ann Nonymous" and "Jane Dope." And I don't think it's too forward to say they've got some incredible melons. No, really: They're full of drugs!
From the quintessential The Smoking Gun comes this evidentiary mug shot of a cut-open cantaloupe that was given to the Chelan County Regional Justice Center in Washington for, perhaps, a delicious Groundhog Day brunch or whatever it is those prisoners celebrate. (Not getting shivved?) We may never know. But deep within the juicy annals of this massive fruit was a bunch of tobacco and oxycodone, a painkiller.
What could have tipped off the authorities? Was it that the cantaloupe appeared to be sliced at the top? Or was it ... no, that's the only reason you need to be suspicious of prison donations. Not all gourds make terrific jack-o-lanterns, especially when they're out of season.
The Wenatchee, Washington PD is looking for two young girls who tried to smuggle tobacco and pills into the prison. Might I suggest to start looking at the farm that grew tomacco? Perhaps they're a couple of farmer's daughters. Better send in an undercover salesman.