TheFurFiles - Feening For Some Fun, Rekindling The Romance, Bargaining Backfire
Madame Floretta “Fern” De Villiers, a.k.a. “Amanda Fox” is an author of erotic fiction and commentary. This is her weekly advice column.
Friday, February 25th, 2011.
Dear Fern,
I have a crush on this guy at work. His name is Nick and I’ll admit, he’s a bit of a jerk. For example, he routinely makes sexist comments about the women in the office like, “Hey, did you see the jugs on that broad?” kinda thing. He also has a really annoying laugh, quick and stuttering like an actual hyena. And once he offered to buy the boss some lunch, then peed in a bottle of apple juice and gave it to him with his sandwich. Everyone agrees, Nick’s just not funny.
For some weird reason though, I’m super attracted to the man. And you’d think all the dumb stuff he says and does would cancel out his cuteness, but it doesn’t. Instead, I want to rip his clothes off over by the water cooler, and I want to make mad passionate love to him on top of the copy machine. What do you think? Is there something mentally wrong with me, or is there something I’m missing about the nature of attraction? If I ask Nick out despite his shortcomings (which is what my private parts keep urging me to do) then I run the risk of my coworkers hating me as well. Help!
Sincerely,
Freak Of Nature
Dear Freak,
Lots of people say that Lil Wayne is a stain on the blanket of human existence, but I like him and I’ll tell you why. I think he is smart. For example, he knows that Heaven is at the top and Hell is at the bottom. He knows that “prolly” is a more efficient way of saying “probably”. He knows that having two girlfriends is better than having one. He knows that it’s better to shoot first, and to fart when you have to. He knows that bees make honey. He knows that playing on the beach – specifically rolling around in the sand – is an enjoyable exploit, though he never actually uses the term “exploit”. He knows that donating blood is an admirable thing for a person to do.
So lesson number one: Personal preference = your own G.D. business.
Lesson number two: Everyone has both good and bad traits. Every stick has two ends. Every Jack has his Jill. Every man for himself, and the Devil take the hindmost. Everyone wants to go to Heaven but nobody wants to die. And finally, every cloud has a silver lining. In some people, it’s just a little harder to find.
Continued on the next page
Follow Technorati