TheFurFiles - The Blame Game, Desperate To Do It, Tequila Sunrise - Page 4
It always starts with her sauntering into the room like she is the queen of the world, albeit with a hot poker shoved up her you-know-what.
“Fill in the blank,” she says, a caustic tone in her voice. That is the name of the game, after all. “I want you to ________ my blue shirt.”
Staring wearily down at my hands, which, in anticipation of the game, I’ve clenched tightly in my lap, I say, “Find… You want me to ‘find’ your blue shirt.”
“No,” she snaps, causing me to look up. “That is NOT it.” To my dismay, I see the blue shirt slung pretentiously over her shoulder.
“OK. Wash… you want me to ‘wash’ your blue shirt.”
“The shirt is already clean. You washed it yesterday. Is your memory really that bad?”
“Oh yeah, I forgot.” Seriously, how could I be so stupid?
“Guess again.” She is getting angrier and even more impatient as teenage girls quite often do.
“Give me a hint.” In the background I hear the cat making that familiar heaving-from-the-intestines noise, which is then followed by the sound of liquid splatting on something.
“The cat just threw up on my new shoes.” A distant voice bellows from the front hall.
“Clean it up,” I call, daring to take my attention away from my daughter for a brief second.
“I’m not touching it. It’s gross.” The far away voice whines back.
Turning to my daughter, I see that she is tapping her foot on the floor, her arms crossed in indignation. “So?” she smirks expectantly.
“I don’t know. I just DON’T know. Can’t you tell me this one time? I have cat barf to clean up.” I am begging now, screaming almost.
“Why is it when I ask you a simple question, you go completely crazy? Never mind. I’ll just iron the shirt myself. Who cares if I do it wrong and it looks terrible?”
It’s at this point in the game (when she has left the room) that I want to break down and cry. The moral: there are just some contests you’ll never win, and some circumstances you won’t be able to escape. And as my husband always tells me, you’ve brought this one on yourself.Continued on the next page