To Comb Over or Not to Comb Over
We are curing diseases. Cloning is a reality. Organs can be created in a laboratory. What can’t we do? One answer is, grow hair. And, if you think the future will be different, think again. The latest breakthrough, which should be available soon, is a full scalp transfer from a cadaver.
Is all this necessary? Bald can be sexy. What about Captain Picard or Michael Jordan? But not everyone wears the look well. Women swear that hair makes no difference. Men swear women are lying.
Desperate baby boomers resort to the notorious “comb-over” beginning an inch above the ear and water-falling to the other side. Or a Frank Sinatra sheep dog coif. The “swirl” defies description. There’s always a “toup” that never quite fools anyone—even the family dog barks at you like a stranger.
The problem is testosterone. Life’s not fair. Male hormones responsible for virility also cause hair loss, usually beginning in your forties. Another boomer midlife crisis. Eunuchs, soldiers with permanent groin injuries, and women have heads full of locks. Science provides insight, but no relief.
The earliest known ointment for baldness came from Hippocrates in 4000 B.C.—a mixture of cumin, pigeon droppings, horseradish, and beetroot. Don’t dismiss it as ancient history. It might work as well as Rogaine, or as some call it, NoGain.
Eureka! Researchers in the late 1950s discovered that hair still sprouting from the back of an aging scalp could be plucked, relocated, and grow “bald resistant.” The world rejoiced. Brylcream increased output. Barber shops added chairs. The problem: early techniques used "plugs" that produced an unnatural look, quickly labeled "Mattelhead" for its similarity to the Ken Doll.
The procedure can drain your bank account. A “non-detectable” state-of-the-art “micro graft” today averages $5 per graft and most men require thousands. No wonder a major clinic in Pittsburgh offers low interest, long-term payment plans plus a free round trip plane ticket.
Here are just a few of the well-known personalities who sport, if not admit, hair transplants. Women are omitted out of courtesy and ignorance.
- Vice-President Joe Biden
- Nicholas Cage
- Billy Crystal
- John Cleese
- David Cassidy
- Elton John
- Christian Slater
- Matt Lauer
- David Lee Roth
- Axl Rose
- Kenny Rogers
If this list is any indication, the procedure, while helpful for most, can be quite the expense. Obviously, those with the means don't see cost as a barrier. Others, however, might forgo it altogether and embrace a more clean-shaven look, i.e. Telly Savalas
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