After Washing, Please Shove Your Prius Up Your Arse
OK I'll admit it. I hate the Prius and everything about what their off-kilter owners have become. My latest incident involved nearly being run over by one, while walking my dog and pushing my youngest in a stroller. Nothing pushes a man over the edge faster than seeing the safety of their child put in jeopardy. "Machete don't text".
Oh Lord what is it with those tiny little hybrid micro-machines that make their owners epidemically out of control? Their behavior is the antithesis of what that car actually looks like. Instead of being a snugly kitten it's the automotive version of a cat that walks up and scratches you for no reason. I hate those cats!
Why did the blue one cut me off while attempting to merge onto the highway? Why is that silver one glued to my bumper? Hey look, two are drag racing each other. Huh? What? I bet that helps the MPGs. That's life with the Prius for me.
The red one that almost killed us? It was adorable when he blew the stop sign while we were attempting to cross the street. I could cut him a break and blame the Prius' acceleration reputation. However, that joke died ages ago in Internet time.
The obvious answer points to a sense of entitlement, but I feel it's combined with a holier than thou "I've got a low(er) environmental footprint and thus am awesome" attitude or perhaps it's something less scientific, like being an organic douche farmer.
18 mpg, 26 mpg and 23 mpg. Those are the highway fuel economy listings for the Ford F-150 Raptor, Ford Mustang Boss 302 and Dodge Challenger SRT8; three cars that I have my eye on. Do I care about fuel economy? No. Recoil in horror Prius owners! Defrock me from the Church of Planetology.
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