The Nissan JUKE Is The Ugliest Car Ever Created
I happened to be rolling by a prison parking lot the other day and something caught my eye. It was the most horrifying car I have ever seen. All I could make out was a Nissan logo. A couple of Internet seconds later and I find out it's called the JUKE. The JUKE in all caps? As in the move a running back makes on a linebacker to get past him? OK. How does that make any sense? Well it doesn't and neither does this vehicle.
First off do me a favor and stare at it for a bit. Let it simmer. Waft the design in.
My initial thoughts? Somebody who went on a 6 hour beer pong binge designed this. The proof is in those 3 huge holes in the chin that can fit the large Solo cups that are an essential part of beer pong, along with beer of course, which is responsible for allowing the designer to create this masterpiece while in the middle of a blackout. Sadly his boss, who approved this, was his playing partner.
The front fenders look like skin rolls over knees and I think those are lights on top or acne. I'm not sure. The rear looks like they stole the first, "just kidding", design of the Volvo C30 out of a wastebasket.
Continued on the next page
Nissan says they are paying homage to rally cars and motorcycles. Talk about self-consciousness issues followed by years of therapy. I can assure you nobody knows what it is. That's the problem I have with Japanese car design in general. When was the last time you looked at a Japanese car not named the Lexus LFA, a car with it's own design challenges along with a $400K price tag, and said "WOW! That is gorgeous."? You haven't because they don't make them. Yet this is the country that brought us anime and has created some of the most gorgeous industrial design via Sci-Fi cartoons. Any Star Blazers fans out there? Remember the Argo?