Men, Do Your Fucking Job
It's not very often that I let a blog post linger in my head and bother me so much, especially one written two weeks ago, but Jeremy Greenberg wrote a tongue-in-cheek post via Digital Dads titled "The Proper Way to Ask Your Wife for Fellatio" that's still gnawing at me. The comment I left for Jeremy is the title of the post you're reading, but clearly I need to elaborate; If you have to ask your wife for a blow job you've failed.
Let's establish three common issues that men in my situation have.
- Talking about sex with your spouse, for many people, is awkward
- Sex, after kids, takes on an entirely new mission
- Being a good husband, while trying to be a good father, is life sapping
It doesn't have to and shouldn't be this way. All it takes is a little bit of effort. Just like anything, once you go forth you realize it's kind of easy, thus creating momentum and eventually satisfaction. This is something I have had to personally address whether it involves exercise, keeping romance alive or dealing with demon spawns that you swear are not of your seed.
Talking about sex with your spouse, for many people, is awkward
Of all of the horrible conversations that you could have with your spouse, this shouldn't be one of them. In this case, though, you reap what you sow. I'll assume you didn't get married after the first date and therefore had ample time to discuss and work through likes and dislikes. Heck, I've stopped pursuing relationships, within minutes, for bad kissing or feet that were (how do you say?) off.
Instant feedback is good. It usually doesn't kill the mood unless you say something stupid like "My Lord this sucks!", but if you say "try this" or "can I make a suggestion?" and are in the moment, chances are your partner will appreciate it and try to please you. Isn't the purpose of sex, in the first place, to mutually please all parties? If not, then it's called masturbation.
Sex, after kids, takes on an entirely new effort
Let's face it. When you bring that first kid home, your entire life, much less your sex life is shot for at least three months. It's not that you don't want to, but rather your body has no ability to function properly. The idea of sex is more fallacy than fact. You may not remember it ever existed. This is compounded if you have the baby sleeping in your room.
The real killer is time. There is no right time for sex after kids and if you wait too long for it, the risk of falling into a rut is very real. Ruts are your enemy.
Continued on the next page
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