Canada Closes Doggy Door On Notion Of Canine Mayor
Behind the concept of free democratic elections is the core belief that any person — rich/poor, black/white, genius/moronic — can hold public office. The pioneers of democracy, however, did not afford animals this opportunity.
The landmark decision of Gus v. Board of Education allowed mules to play football, but nowhere does it permit dogs to run in elections. Also, we're talking about Canada, and American courts have no jurisdiction on this matter. And that's why Genny, a black lab, will not become Clarington, Ontario's next mayor.
campaign manager owner Marven Whidden filed all the paperwork, but when it came time to hand it in, the officials denied the request, on account of the candidate having the ability to lick her own crotch:
It has to be a person to be qualified to run in the election ... She’s not a person, she’s a dog.
Whidden and his furry candidate will not cease their "milk bone in every pot" campaign based on this measly setback and will continue to seek a redress of grievances in the matter. Maybe they can settle for a spot on the Argonauts roster.