God Responds to Bachmann "Joke" about Hurricane, Earthquake
From the St. Petersburg Times, Michele Bachmann comments on the recent Hurricane and Earthquake:
"I don't know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians. We've had an earthquake; we've had a hurricane. He said, 'Are you going to start listening to me here?' Listen to the American people because the American people are roaring right now. They know government is on a morbid obesity diet and we've got to rein in the spending."
Um, I don't know how this ended up in my e-mail inbox. But I'm just gonna run it unedited. One does not edit an e-mail sent by the Almighty Lord God of Hosts.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
August 29, 2011 (Earth Date)
GOD DISAVOWS "JOKE" ABOUT HURRICANE, EARTHQUAKE
The Lord God Jehovah ("Yaweh," "Allah," or "the Great I Am," depending on your religious tradition) issues the following communique to the people of the United States of America on the planet Earth.
"The next one of your conservative politicians who blames Me for any natural disaster that occurs on your planet is going to receive a very severe case of genital warts. Your nation, America, is one of nearly 200 nations on your planet — all of which I hold in equal esteem. Your planet is one of billions in My universe which sustains life. As you on Earth, especially in America, constantly prove, some life is more 'intelligent' than others.
"Let Me go on the record. I do not cause Earthquakes or Hurricanes. That's not my bag. They occur naturally. I do not control them. I do not sit here on this grand heavenly throne that your conservative politicians imagine and push little buttons deciding who gets an Earthquake, who gets a hurricane, who gets a tornado, who gets cancer, who gets herpes and who wins the ever-fucking Lotto jackpot. I created the universe, set everything into motion, and now I sit back and watch it all unfold. Not just on your planet, but all of them. The smallest single-celled slime microbe on the most inhospitable planet means as much to Me as the most glorified potentate on your planet.
"So, and this is specifically directed at the Republican candidates for your presidency, America, knock off the bullshit. You know WHY you had a hurricane? It was not a warning that Congress needs to rein in spending. In fact, if I were the type to whip a hurricane on people, I would do it because you aren't spending ENOUGH on people who need help. If I were the 'just and punishing God' you feeble-minded morons imagine, I would rain fire, brimstone, flaming bowling balls and poisonous toads on a country as wealthy as the United States where a single child is allowed to go to bed hungry at night while people who think that I have somehow blessed them with wealth fart through silk bedsheets.Continued on the next page