Grover Norquist Metes Out Discipline
Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK) threw the newspaper down onto the table top, nearly upsetting his coffee cup.
"Sweet Jesus Christ in Heaven Above!" he barked. "These damn idiots are going to let the country default!"
"Who's going to let the country default, dear?" his wife asked nervously.
"These gosh darn idiots who would rather watch our economy get dragged down to a third world status than raise taxes — or even close a few loopholes — on the rich people and corporations."
"Honey," Mrs. Coburn whispered. "Is it a good idea to say things like that — out loud? I mean, think whatever you want, but..."
"But what?" Coburn asked sharply. "You think Grover Norquist has a van roaming the Arlington and Northern Virginia neighborhoods with listening devices, checking up on the private conversations of Congressmen and Senators? I'm paranoid, too, honey. But that's just nuts!"
"But Tommy," Mrs. Coburn said, drying her moist hands on her apron, covered with little images of corn cobs ready for the picking. "You had that little run in with Mr. Norquist last Monday where he said you were gonna raise taxes by a trillion dollars..."
"Dagnabbit, it is NOT a tax hike," Coburn said. "It's part of a deficit reduction plan. It's like I said in my "Back in Black" plan. Real choices must be made to reduce spending, increase revenues, or both. If Washington does not begin making these difficult choices today, those decisions will be made for us tomorrow and the results could be catastrophic. The only guaranteed entitlements for future generations will be debt and lower standards of living"
"But Mr. Norquist said it's a tax hike," Mrs. Coburn whimpered.
"The Daily Caller said it was a 'thoughtful, comprehensive first step toward change.'"
"But Mr. Norquist SAID it was a TAX hike," Mrs. Coburn sobbed, dabbing at her eyes with the corner of her corn cob apron.
"Mr. Norquist can kiss my..."
"TOM!!!" Mrs. Coburn squealed in alarm.
"I wasn't going to say 'ass'...." Senator Coburn was GOING to say, but the rag soaked in chloroform left the words unuttered.
When the Oklahoma senator awoke, he was in a very dark room. His hands and feet were tied, his frame stretched face down over a barrel. In the sparse candlelight, he could make out the hooded faces of most of his Republican colleagues in the Senate... and the House of Representatives.Continued on the next page