I Would Make a WONDERFUL GOP Candidate!
Looks like it's up to me. Again,
I would be the PERFECT GOP Presidential Candidate if I chose to be one.
The first thing I would do is legally change my name to "Lincoln Washington McReagan." You would never see me on TV. Just a computer generated image with the eyes of George Washington, the rugged head and tousled hair of Ronald Reagan and the firm, set smile (and beard) of Abraham Lincoln.
First thing I would do? Promise to close the IRS, and I would really MEAN it. I would have sharp accountants who are as crooked as I am cook up a plan to show how we could fund the important things government is required to do and not tax ANYONE.
Well, we WOULD tax the poor of course. But we'd make them BELIEVE they were getting a BREAK!!!
If you get, say, $400 a month in food stamps... you would now get a yearly stipend of $3,000. While that translates to reduction from $400 to $250 a month, that's not how we would explain it.
I would have Fox News and Limbaugh and Hannity and all my other mouthpieces tell the poor that Obama wants to LIMIT them to JUST $400! But WE'RE gonna give them a voucher for $3,000! And they won't have to WAIT for NEW vouchers every month. THIS voucher will be good for the WHOLE YEAR!
And you can SPEND it on WHATEVER YOU WANT!
"Wanna buy smokes? Have at it! Use it for booze? It's YOUR LIFE, poor guy! HEY! Use the money to buy LOTTERY TICKETS!!! SOMEBODY has to win those things! Why not YOU? Here's $3000! Go nuts!"
And we'd pocket the $150 per month difference while Limbaugh tells his idiot listeners that we're doing them a FAVOR! Which, since the idiot poor believe anything that issues from his flatulent colon, they would INSTANTLY BELIEVE!!!
I would not only BRAG about executing people when I was governor of Florida (which I never was, of course, but would someone named Lincoln Washington McReagan tell a LIE and can you expect the lazy mainstream media to fact check) — I would actually EXECUTE someone. LIVE! ON PAY PER VIEW!!! The VIEWERS would have an hour to call us at 1-900-KILL-CON (at the cost of $4.95 per call) and VOTE for the method of execution. We wouldn't just include "lethal injection" or "gas chamber" or "firing squad" or "hanging." We'd include "death by ball peen hammer" and "nail gun firing squad" and "15-minutes in the pit bull box" and "crushing to death by lying between two slabs and having 10 enormous fat people sit on the top slab."Continued on the next page