In Praise of Judge Bolton and Her Truly Wise and King Solomonesque Decision
Well, what more can I say? The title of this article says it all. Judge Bolton is truly wise, and in every sense of the word, for she has taken a truly difficult and divisive, highly complex and highly nuanced, thorny issue and delivered a decision which actively and judicially renders that decision, as only the wisdom of a King Solomon could possibly have ever rendered.
For with a great deal of legal and judicial brilliance and active prescience of mind, she has literally cut this baby in half. That's right, like King Solomon she literally, not figuratively, but literally, cut that sucker in half.
Now as I see it, all that remains to be determined is whether this baby should be cut diagonally — that is to say, from the top of its head to its groin — you know, like a split chicken cut into two equal halves, as is found in one's own local supermarket?
Or, should this infant (in swaddling clothes of course) be cut transversally — that is to say, should it be cut in half across its stomach, thereby dividing and separating the top half from the bottom half of the baby?
Or, should it be sliced and diced into fajita meat or chopped up and ground into ground meat and placed in separate but equal packages in the fresh meat section of one's local supermarket? All of which are truly important and legitimate, but highly profound and perplexing questions, or as the Great Bard would comment (as he did in his historical tragedy "Julius Caesar"): "Oh judgement, thou art fled to brutish beasts, and men have lost their reason."
Well, I am sure that the ultra-liberal judges of the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals, in their infinite wisdom combined and together with the super-brainiac Harvard lawyers of the Obama administration; and further combined with the lawyers of their rather narrow and extreme leftist, special-interest group, allies; and of course with the ACLU (the American Criminal Lawyers Union), you know, the self-appointed, rather smug and supercilious guardians, experts, mavens and ultimate, busybody arbiters of all justice in America, who really are justice's very last, absolute and final word; that all of the former will most brilliantly formulate, cogitate and lucubrate how many millions upon millions of these legal briefs could literally dance upon the head of a pin and eventually how many millions upon millions of these cases could wend their way all the way up to the Supreme Court. Ain't liberal litigiousness just wonderful? Ain't it just the cat's meow?Continued on the next page