Iran Is Just One Big Legend Of Zelda Stage

Author: Matt Sussman
Published: January 12, 2010 at 9:29 am
Share

Link in Iran. I know.It's generally perceived to be mostly desert, but Iran really as it all: mountains, forests, and beaches. And also like the Legend of Zelda's Kingdom of Hyrule, it has an extensive network of caves, although it's entirely possible the entrances don't have anthropomorphic qualities. And rather than boomerangs or spare arrows, the weapons hidden within are much more sophisticated.

It's believed that Iran's nuclear facilities lie within these man-made caves, and attacking them from above is no way to get to them, because they're protected by several feet of stubborn rock. I don't remember Link trying to throw a bunch of bombs at the labyrinths from the surface level, so the only traditional recourse is to go in there with swords a-blazin', room by room, defeat the treasure and monsters, and finally the boss.

In the non 8-bit world, Wired's national security blog Danger Room has an incredibly fascinating read on just how America could attempt to diffuse Iran's nuclear sites without the Triforce. The Pentagon is not yet devising any technological Link, but they do think they can map out the tunnels and perhaps bore through them from above or perhaps use bombs that turn corners. (Bombchus?) Those scientific wizzrobes in the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency think they can use electromagnetic energy to sketch out subterranean surfaces up to 1,000 kilometers away. Well, that solves the ornery problem of going into the cave to find the map and compass.

(I can just see an army general tell his troops: "It's dangerous to go alone. Take this massive ordnance penetrator!")

It is also my understanding that Iran does not have the Internet, and therefore has no idea that DARPA is planning anything sinister regarding their nuclear facilities. Resume business as usual.

 
 

About this article

Profile image for sussman

Article Author: Matt Sussman

Sussman is the former executive editor of Technorati.com, but he's still the sports editor of BC Magazine and grizzled contributor to the Technorati family of websites. Twitter: @suss2hyphens

Matt Sussman's author pageAuthor's Blog

Article Tags

Share: Bookmark and Share

Add your comment, speak your mind

Personal attacks are NOT allowed
Please read our comment policy