Miss Alaska Disqualified from Politics - Page 2
If you say something really dumb, just pretend like it never happened. Many of the people in the audience are only half-listening and some are idiots. The idiots won’t even notice. If anyone does, convince them that someone else caused your slip up because she is really out to get you!
Rule 3 – Make the audience believe you’re one of them
You want the audience to believe that they are also special even though (obviously) they are not. Even though the judges are just ugly people who got to sit up front, smile and wink at them anyway.
A good way to get sympathy whenever someone criticizes you is to make believe she criticized everyone. You want “everyone” on your side in a fight, don’t you? So make any complaint about you a complaint about all Americans. Die Commie scum!
Rule 4 – Be seen as a good Christian
Above all, pageant winners must appear to be good Christians. Just like our country, the pageant community is founded on Christian values. We are a Christian pageant system for Christian girls who want to succeed in a Christian world. Be sure to include the word Christian in every sentence. If you can say “Christian” twice in one sentence, even better. Anyone who is not a Christian is going to hell. Who wants their votes anyway? The judges, anyway anyway, will always be Christians.
Rule 5 – Be seen as a good American.
Pageant winners must be good Americans. Bad Americans (like liberals and such, and blacks of course) don’t win pageants because they don’t deserve to. We are an American pageant system for American girls who want to succeed in America. Be sure to include “USA” in most every sentence. Just make sure you also remind everyone that you’re a Christian first, but an American Christian. It’s the American way, you know.
America is a C-A-P-I-T-A-L-I-S-T country. You don’t really need to understand what that is, only that it means you have to crawl over the backs of every other contestant to get to the top. Anybody who helps another American is a Socialist. That’s something bad. It’s worse than being a Mormon and almost as bad as being a Muslim.
Don’t be fooled by people who try to tell you that there is a “Central” or “South” America. They learned that idea in college, so duh. There is only one America and this is it!!!