Ralph Nader’s Plan For DC Statehood
On Wednesday, septuagenarian crackpot and crumpled suit aficionado, Ralph Nader, proposed the idea of a limited general strike to raise the profile of the issue of DC statehood. His idea, announced with DC Mayor Gray, was that DC employees would report to work late, with their employers’ permission, at the beginning of every month. Employees would report fifteen minutes late the first month, thirty minutes the next, and continue increasing their lateness by fifteen minutes each month.
I know what you’re thinking. Washington, DC is the world-wide model of efficiency. Its purpose-driven workforce would never agree to do anything that would compromise their legendary work ethic.
Intellectual luminaries like Scream 4 star Hayden Panettiere have lent their star-power to the DC-statehood push, and she was even honored last month by Mayor Gray with Hayden Panettiere Day. She is said to have considered it a huge, umm, like, honor, and unlike her misspelled tattoo, I'm sure she has no regrets about her support.
Seriously, though, Nader’s idea makes even less sense than the whole idea of DC statehood. DC isn’t a particularly large city. Last time I checked, it doesn’t even crack the US’s top-twenty. It’s hard to defend giving two Senators and a Representative to a city smaller than Columbus, OH.
All of present-day DC is located on land donated by Maryland. Some people propose that DC should rejoin Maryland. Aside from the fact that I doubt Maryland wants anything to do with DC’s endemic social and education problems, there’s another reason to keep DC separate.
The whole point of building DC in its current location in the middle of a malarial swamp was to separate it from Virginia and Maryland. It was an artificially created entity to keep the seat of power of the federal government free of any state’s control. Congress has unlimited authority over the District, and it was set up that way for a reason.