REPENT, YE SINNERS! It's Probably Already Too Late, but What the Hell? Repent, Anyway! - Page 2
"No kidding?" I asked, trying to be quiet because Gail was still asleep in the bed across the room. "God loves us SO MUCH that he's going to erase civilization from the Eastern Seaboard, eh? No wonder He's King of Kings and Lord of Lords..."
"SILENCE!" the angel commanded and for a minute I thought he was gonna wake up Gail and then, angel or no angel, there was gonna be real trouble.
"Prepare the sinners," the angel commanded. And then he (or she) vanished leaving that faint mixture of incense, fart and burning rubber I smell whenever I see angels. Oh, and I could taste copper — like sucking on a penny. Weird.
I let Gail sleep because I don't think she's actually committed a sin since 1980 when she let her late ex-husband touch her in a carnal fashion and the result was my stepson TJ, who is actually a great guy so that probably wasn't a sin, either.
So, back to the warning.
TURNEST THOU ASIDE FROM THY SINS, OH EAST COAST! FOR VERILY, THE HURRICANE OF JUSTICE APPROACHES EVEN NOW, sparing the sinful, wanton, wicked South Beach area in Miami for some reason, and DRAWING A DIRECT BEAD on the SINFUL, MIDDLE CLASS WORKING FAMILIES of BALTIMORE!
PRAY, sinners. PRAY REAL HARD. Pray in an EASTERLY direction and FORCE GOD's MERCIFUL WINDS AND RAINS OF DOOM to take a more EASTERLY, NORTHERLY track where it might do God's Work by leveling the mansions and summer homes of the wealthy people on the Hamptons.
Amen. Verily. And Amen.
Oooh! Coffee's ready!