Scary Terror Anniversary Brings Scary New Terror Threat to Scare You
Hey.
HEY!
It's 9-10. That's the day before 9-11. And we in the Mainstream Media don't think you're quite SCARED enough.
So guess what?
We have credible but unconfirmed reports that three terror guys have snuck into our country from Afghanistan. Or Pakistan. Whichever is scarier. And this credible source who has given us credible information in the past as well as shit that turned out to be nothing tells us that he heard someone talking about it over in Afghanistan. Or Pakistan. And these people he over heard were talking about these three guys — we don't have their names — who are going to launch car bomb attacks... or truck bombs... whichever scares you the most... on New York City. Or Washington, D.C. We're not sure. But we sure are scared.
You should be, too!
In other words, we have no idea WHAT's going to happen, except for the fact that this guy who we won't identify said that he overheard guys in Pakistan or Afghanistan talking about three guys who we don't know the names of who snuck into America back in, let's say, August, and they stole a Ryder truck and a Penske truck or maybe not, and they're going to time their attacks to coincide with the 10-year anniversary of 9-11. Which is tomorrow.
IT'S TOMORROW, PEOPLE!!!
RUN! SCREAM! HIDE!
Seriously.
Why did we tell you this?
Um...
Well, now we've added millions of eyes to keep a look out for scary people who might look like Muslim terror guys who might be in cars or trucks. And if you see anything like that, make sure you call 311. Or 911 if it's REALLY scary.
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