Feature: Right Wing Ramblings

State of the Union, Salmon, and Ron Paul

Author: Chris Kohls
Published: January 27, 2011 at 5:15 pm
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I didn’t watch The State of the Union Address this year. In fact, I’ve have only watched one SOTU, as they’re calling it these days, in my life. The first time I watched a president explain to us mortals the state of our Union I was bored out of my mind. The only thing I remember in maybe twelve years of these stupid things is some guy shouting out “you lie” last year. That was hilarious.

We need more of that stuff. I say put the seats back where they were (Rs on one side Ds on the other) and encourage more shouting. (SNL explained the “you lie” thing brilliantly by the way).

You know what got everybody going this year? A lame joke about salmon. I’m not kidding.

I love politics. I do. And of course I'm joking when I advocate for more humor in these annual addresses. What we really need is substance. But because of CNN and Twitter and everything in between, we may never again enjoy a quality SOTU Address. We may never again be surprised or inspired. The president will use up most of his material in interviews and tweets throughout the year and have nothing but salmon jokes left.

I say that we can fix this by doing two things.

Let’s elect someone really crazy. John McCain would have been great in 2000, but he got watered down in 2008. Huckabee’s a good choice. He wants a flat tax. That’ll shake things up. I have a penchant for federal school vouchers, but I’m not quite old enough for you to elect me, folks. Sorry. And then, of course, there’s Ron Paul. I’m not a Libertarian, but could you imagine? Paul wants to kill the Federal Reserve, the IRS, all federal welfare programs, and pull American troops out of everywhere! It might be crazy, but how great would it be to watch a SOTU Address having absolutely no idea what the crazy old man we elected president is going to say?

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Article Author: Chris Kohls

Typical Hollywood Actor (not really)

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