Wicked, Nassssty Liberalses! Golub Will Show YOU!
Running through the ever-loving Twitter timeline this morning while the coffee was brewing, I saw a note from one of my Tweeples. (God, someone PLEASE shoot me if I ever write a paragraph like that one again.)
She pointed out this hilariously unfunny "satire" column written as part of the "Washington Times Communities" section. "Social Journalism from Independent Voices," it says in what might just be the funniest line on the whole page. I think that to the ultra-conservative Washington Times, owned by notorious Korean self-styled Jesus Returned to Earth Sun Myung Moon, "independent" means you would BEAT UP Barack Obama, but you wouldn't necessarily KILL him.
This writer, some clown named Eric Golub calls his little column "The Tygrrrr Express". (Had to check to make sure I got the proper number of "r's" in there. Get it? Tigers? They growl? Grrrr!)
His tagline...
Combating Ideological Bigotry: A politically conservative and morally liberal Hebrew alpha male hunts left-wing vipers and sucks the political poison from their (redacted).
He redacted it. Not me. I would have written the word. Whatever word he had in mind.
OK, I'll bite. How is it even POSSIBLE to be politically conservative and morally liberal? Doesn't BEING politically conservative REQUIRE you to ALSO be morally conservative? And that bit about combating ideological bigotry. I get it. You're fighting fire with fire by USING ideological bigotry to combat it. Did I get it right?
Anyhoo...
This particular 750-word pile of excrement pokes fun at the president's name.
When Barack Obama descended from heaven and Messianically (invented word combining Messianic and maniacally) announced that "We are the ones we've been waiting for," liberals literally swooned in his presence. He was a combination of Socrates, Solomon and Adonis, more feminine than Joy Behar but less angry than Paul Krugman. He was Will Smith except more cool.
OK, let's stop there for a moment. Why do conservatives INSIST on calling Barack Obama "God?" Have you ever heard a LIBERAL refer to the President as a deity? Nope. Whenever you hear someone referring to Obama as "The One" or "The Anointed One" or "The Messiah" or something equally ridiculous, you're listening to a conservative.
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