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“This is Dell, hello.” In my nightmares, I’ll hear the lilting words echoing down Kafkaesque halls. Forget the actual product (ignore the 3 Dell computers needing service this last month in my 3 computer household.) Let’s just focus on my amazing experience of having an ear massage at the expense of Dell.

In his new book, Excavating Kafka, author James Hawes publishes a sampling of the late author’s secret collection of mail order pornography, copies of which Hawes stumbled upon while performing unrelated research in the British Library in London and the Bodleian in Oxford leading one to the conclusion that someone knew about Kafka’s erotic peccadilloes.

What happened you see is that I had to call the Phone Corporation* again. I had been assured the last time that everything was cleared up, they had issued a cheque for me which was on it’s way and that I would never have to worry my pretty head about this matter again. That was a month ago.

Here’s one bit of Kafka-esque nightmare for you: due to the hodgepodge of state law on gay marriage, it turns out that it might well be virtually legally impossible for a gay couple to get a divorce. Then-Gov.

Take me out tonight Where there's music and there's people And they're young and alive Driving in your car I never never want to go home Because I haven't got one Anymore Take me out tonight Because I want to see people and I Want to see life Driving in your car Oh, please don't drop me home Because

Hello faithful fans, My relaxing drive on Sunday evening from Fox Lake while under the influence of several shots of vodka could have prepared me for many things: painful death, life-long paralysis, body mutilation, a DUI, court... But what actually happened that sunday evening was worse. FAR worse.

   Yes and I’ve been having no small measure of bullshit problems recently. I keep getting blocked from the Internet!! Can you believe that? Me! That’s why I haven’t been posting stories with any regularity over the past two weeks. Somebody’s out to get me and I suspect it’s that Berners-Lee.

Hello fans! As I am sure you all have realized, I am back in the US of A and am having A TIME! The Other and I bought a grown-up bed with gray sheets and orange pillows. Klassy! Also klassy, my exquisite and decadent collection of parfums can now be unveiled to the world! Please see my press release below.

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