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• DEADSPIN checks the want ads, and discovers that the Sun-Timesless Jay Mariotti might be looking for a web designer. • FROM THE MARBLES feels scalped in listening to Joe Gibbs make a lame Redskins joke during his RNC speech last night.

What’s with the name changes this year. First, it’s Adam Jones dropping the “Pacman” and now it’s Chad Johnson legally changing his name to Chad Javon Ocho Cinco: Here are some other name changes I think NFL players should consider: Chris “Legs” Cooley Plaxico “Pay Me First” Burress Terrell “Tearful” Owens Tony Romo-Simpson Brett “R.I.P.

In a hilarious development that has finally come to fruition, Chad Johnson has completed his growth from selfish prima dona receiver to a team player. As customary upon a big win, players often flash and pull out the front of their jerseys, signifying that their team has won.

Ocho Cinco Name Change is official! Bengals wide receiver Chad Johnson managed to legally get his name changed to "Ocho Cinco" which is his nickname and his jersey number, 85. Is it just me or Chad Johnson just took his extreme acts to the next level? I mean, he basically changed his name to Ocho Cinco so he could get that printed as the last name on the back of his jersey.

High school sports participation increased for the 19th consecutive year, according to a study by the National Federation of State High School Associations. ESPN announced it has been working with videogame developer Electronic Arts to produce a new technology that will allow sports anchors to interact with life-like videogame graphics.

Mr. Chad Johnson is, perhaps, the most infamous attention seeker in American professional sports if Mr. Terrell Owens is not.  In fact, since Mr. Owens went to the Dallas Cowboys, he has dropped out the sports headlines, perhaps because he feels appreciated by the management and his team mates.

This seems fitting. Especially for a Cincinnati Bengal. Chad Johnson is definitely his own man. He loved the name Ocho Cinco so much that he decided to change his name to just that. To celebrate his jersey number. But Ocho Cinco stands for 8-5, not 85. 85 would be ochenta y cinco.

So…it’s that time again. I can’t wait to hear the planes fly overhead, the snot smacks, the grunts, blocked punts, runbacks, pick six’s, busted plays, Randy Moss all day, Ocho Cinco’s first score, Mendenhall lore, Parcell chores….yeah yeah, give me some more.

We give you this list, and show you why we’re the most tragic franchise in sports (yes, I say we. When you pay for twenty years of tickets, suffer loss after loss, you can say we too). Reasons in just this offseason? Right here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.

For some reason, people care that Chad Johnson recently changed his name to Chad Javon Ocho Cinco. Fans cite this as more proof that Mr. Ocho Cinco is an egotistical jerk only interested in self-promotion. Maybe, but I’m not sure adding the Spanish words for “eight” and “five” to your driver’s license suddenly means you haven’t always been a narcissist.