iPad Absorbs Negative Comments From iTheists - Page 2
No USB port: Oh please, why would you want to connect to an iPad using something as ancient as USB? The iPad is magical, so just use that.
No camera: Well of course not. It wasn't meant to look at you. You were meant to look at it. Learn your place, and you'll be much happier.
It overheats: Apparently, if it gets too warm, the iPad shuts itself off for a cool down period during which you can't use it. So it's smart too. Plus, this gives you an opportunity to get off your knees and stretch for a minute.
Poor WiFi performance: Apparently, many iPads have poor WiFi performance, with the signal fluctuating from strong to none, while within router range. This is normal behavior, again stemming from the new nature of the iPad. We suggest updating your router firmware to allow it to connect magically.
It doesn't replace anything: Are you kidding me? It replaces a lazy susan, a mirror, a shelf of comic books, and your need to think for yourself. What else could you want?
If you look closely, you'll notice something about those people that have negative things to say about the iPad: they aren't very serene. They think too much, worry too much, spend too much time trying to find things out for themselves. They want to use things as they desire, not as Apple intended, and thus find themselves in a constant struggle for their own identity and the freedom from things meant to protect us, like DRM, App Store oversight.
Those that accept the truth about Jobs, Apple, and the iPad, on the other hand, dwell happily in a beautiful walled garden. Look at their smiles (some call it smugness, but we know better), look at their shiny eyes, look at all their beautiful lifestyle products. These are people that know they're being taken care of, that there is no need to look beyond what they are offered, that all of their needs are met, for now and for eternity, thank Jobs.
Photo: AP/Paul Sakuma