Formula Feeding Sucks
My husband and I welcomed our first child into the world a few scant months ago, and I finally feel ready to tell the truth about some parenting issues that have been plaguing us. First in this series? Bottle feeding.
Let me be the first to say, I use formula to top up. Due to a massive breast reduction and birth trauma, my child has had at least a little formula with my tiny boob output every single day of his life. So I am not yelling at people who choose to formula feed/have to formula feed. This rant is more for people who may be considering formula as an option versus a necessity.
If you can manage it, for the love of Thor, don’t.
I’m not trying to dissuade you because I hate formula. Sure, it isn’t as organically good as breastmilk, but I feed my kid it, so I don’t see them as OMGTEHEVILZ. And I am not trying to dissuade you because I love breastfeeding, because frankly, I don’t. I am telling you this so you can walk in perfectly wide eyed to what the day to day life is like with formula feeding.
Let me take you through a typical day. Baby cries, awake and hungry. My husband or I drag ourselves out of bed, and to the kitchen. No, not to the baby – to the kitchen. See, I have to get the kettle going to boil the water for the formula. Because powdered formula is not sterile, bacteria can be rife in the canisters, and so you have to add scalding water to the feed to kill said bacteria. Adding hot tap water won’t do the trick – it has to be boiled and slightly cooled. So while your child is screaming their hungry head off, you have to boil, slightly cool, measure water, measure formula, mix thoroughly, bottle, and get the nipple on. All half awake. YAY!
Nutritional side note: If your baby is lactose intolerant, whoooooo boy are you in for some fun, as formula is derived from cow’s milk. So, you can go for even more expensive low lactose formula, or soy, or if that doesn’t work, hypoallergenic formula, which costs well, Google ‘Hypoallergenic formula cost’ yourself. Bear in mind, your young baby will go through 1/2 to 1 container of feed a week. Enjoy!
Now baby needs to eat bottle – while on the breast baby can relax, lay down, and slowly feed, when he is upright it’s like license to INHALE his food. And while the exceedingly expensive silicone teats on our very expensive bottles try their best to imitate the human nipple, it’s not the same, and baby takes in huge gulps of air with feed. Huge gulps of air equals gassy, angry baby. You will need to stop feeding several times to burp, which baby hates as he is OMGHUNGRYNOW. To be fair, breastfeeding causes a little gas as well, but not nearly as much as bottle if my mummy group is anything to go by. The breastfed babies have small calm burps, and the bottle feds have an evil time getting all that gas out by the time it is all said and done.Continued on the next page