Will I hate my mom?
Will I hate my mom?
I've been pondering this question a lot lately. Which is ironic since Mother's Day is fast approaching.
I can't help but wonder if I will hate my mom someday because my mom keeps bringing it up. At the beginning of virtually every phone call lately, my mom says:
I hope I have enough money set aside so you can put me in a home. If I don't, you will hate me. I'm afraid I will be just like my mom. I'll ask you what your doing all the time. I'll put stuff away wrong. You'll hate me. You will.
And she'll keep going until I interrupt her.
It has become exhausting to talk to her because she is afraid I will hate her. But I have to talk to her to keep her sane right now because of my grandmother. My grandmother, my mom's mom, is 91 years old. Up until last December, she walked 2 miles a day. She was interesting. She was involved. And boy was she stylish. Actually, she was more stylish than I am. More stylish than most of us. She would wear 3 inch heels every day. She looked great.
She started slowing down in December, but we mostly thought it was the press of the holidays. In February, she was playing with my 18 month old nephew, and after, she had pain on one side. My mom was afraid she was having a heart attack and took her to the ER. Turns out she wasn't, but she was suffering from shingles and had a mass (benign) on her thyroid. She also had a mass in her lung. Fast forward, and my non-smoking grandma was diagnosed with lung cancer (I suspect radon was a factor).
Because of the shingles and cancer, or because of the meds because of the shingles and cancer, or just because of age, my grandma is suffering from dementia as well.
Right now, my grandma is living with my mom. She usually comes out for 3 months or so each winter because she lives alone in Michigan. It is usually not much of a problem.
But with the dementia, she is driving my mom batty. Sometimes she doesn't remember she has cancer, and my mom has to explain it to her again, and then she yells at my mom for keeping it from her. Other times, she becomes child-like, and accuses my mom of not taking care of her, not caring she is sick, and similiar complaints. She throws tantrums, like a toddler. Sometimes she does odd things, like put stuff away in very odd places or wash the dirty dishes in the bathroom with facial tissue. And then, she will be completely fine.Continued on the next page