Battling the Silver Demon
Did you hear my internal scream all the way from Denville this past Saturday morning, dear blogosphere buddies? Did the planet actually, for a millisecond, come to a screeching halt on its axis … or did it just seem like it to me? The Incident, as it will now be known, occurred at approximately 11:26 a.m., which may help explain any X-Files-type occurrences you experienced in the northern NJ vicinity at that time.
It began innocently enough…. I showered and dressed, thinking I looked put-together enough to show myself at the 312th consecutive Saturday morning preschool birthday party at a nearby paint-it-yourself pottery studio. I even thought I looked slightly better than usual in a cute, colorful top and silk cardigan rather than my standard drab, overwashed, long-sleeve T. Ha! Apparently I looked just fine … for a GRANDMOTHER!!!
Once I’d deposited my sweet five-year-old at the party, you see, I wandered into the small produce store next door in the shopping center. There were few customers in the aisles and, as I turned a corner, I ran into another mom – a stranger to me – I’d just seen dropping her daughter off next door, too. I smiled and said hi and she smiled back. Then she slid a samurai sword out of her clever hip holster and sliced it directly through my skull.
Oh, wait, no. That was just the Quentin Tarantino version of what happened. What she actually did was smile and say, innocently, “Oh, hi! Are you Jackie’s mom?”
Jackie. That would be the MOM of the preschooler birthday girl. The MOM who is probably 35 or so. The MOM who is my fellow preschool parent. And if the answer to her question were yes, that would make me the freakin’ GRANDMA of the preschooler birthday girl next door. I made an effort not to hiss like an agitated Madagascar cockroach, but I’m not sure I succeeded. I clarified my accurate mom status and Evil Stranger Mom mumbled something about the connection between Jackie’s curly hair and my own and scampered off with her basket of organic foodstuffs (perhaps in search of someone else’s ego to shred into confetti-size bits).Continued on the next page