The Fear of Alzheimer's
She has Alzheimer's. Your mother, or your sister. Perhaps your grandmother or — your loved one has Alzheimer's. Perhaps she's your only remaining family.
You reel with the news — news you refuse to believe, but is there in front of you in her distorted clock-face drawing. You inherit all her cares and worries along with the shared eye colour and your loved one becomes your new-born child.
In the middle of the night... in the back of your mind — it nags you at the worst times. You forget. You can't think of a word. You lock the keys in the car and — while waiting for freedom in the guise of a bent coat hanger — you have 45 minutes to an hour to think. Am I going to get Alzheimer's? Do I already have Alzheimer's? It's early-onset. My loved ones will be gone, and I'll be left... in a long-term care facility. Like her.
And then, the guilt jumps all over you. Like an unwelcome puppy. How can I think about myself at a time like this? I have to think about her. I have to help her. I have to help her.
When you are shocked and disheartened by the diagnosis of Alzheimer's, you are overwhelmed with feelings of impending loss — piggybacked with a huge burden of responsibility. You need to know so much information... to find out so much — just to be able to cope. Just to be able to deal with the nightmare. Just to help your loved one.
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